Guest Post: Ants & Uncles by Kayen Rice

Today’s post was first published by Ken ‘Kayen’ Rice on his website, but he’s kindly offered it up for me to share here at Experiments in Fiction.

Ken has had many jobs, of which he’s ‘quit more than most people have read adds for.’ He’s been divorced twice, engaged three times and arrested once, and his all-time hero is Wile E Coyote. He writes unusual, inventive and attention-grabbing fictional pieces such as the story featured below. His stories are ‘are rooted in a world of hard work, busted knuckles, fast driving, bad decisions, good intentions and considerable observations.’

I hope you enjoy today’s guest post!

Ants and Uncles

Tommy poured green ants out of a jar onto an anthill that was occupied by blue ants to see if they would separate or fight to the death. As he did that, naked men began to fall from the sky, like ants out of a jar, onto the neighbors’ lawn where a wedding party raged.

Screaming, falling naked men huffed as their lungs collapsed, crackled as their bones broke and popped as their flesh burst on impact. Soon, screaming naked men were now falling on top of dead naked men, silent except for the squishing and splashing of viscera and blood.

Tommy wiped blood spatter from his glasses and kept pouring the ants. He watched as the green ants who were injured from the fall were attacked and overwhelmed by the blue ants. The uninjured green ants engaged the blue ants to defend their comrades.

As the mound of naked bodies rose higher, naked injured men began to roll off of the fore-fallen to the ground writhing in pain, still alive. Some of them crawled through the muddy bloody slurry, got to their feet and stumbled away from the impact area confused, crying, horrified.

Tommy tapped the last ant out of his jar as the last naked human, a pink man with a monkey’s penis, fell from the sky and landed ass-first with a whump. The pink man crawled over the bloody naked bodies, then rose and walked to Tommy, squeegeeing blood off his arms and torso. He grabbed the ant jar from Tommy’s hand and said, ”God-dammit Tommy, I told you not to play with the ants when you’re sleeping; look at this mess! Uh! Uh! Uh!

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