Like an affair with
a half-remembered lover
I wouldn’t say I’m
happy that it’s over;
but rather that
I no longer
need you:
my heart is light.
© Experimentsinfiction 2020, All Rights Reserved
Frank hosts at dVerse tonight, and he has asked us to write a Jisei, or death poem, celebrating the onset of the northern winter. I wouldn’t say I’m ever happy to see the end of summer, but I am trying to not be so reliant on the sunlight to give me happiness. There is also a light within.
Fascinatingly, it was traditional for Japanese poets to write a Jisei on their death bed: a philosophical look back at life, referring to death without directly mentioning it. Kamikaze pilots also did this before going into battle, which is how this form of poetry became known in the West. I hope when my time comes, I am as willing to let go as the narrator of this poem.
Traditional Jisei would take the form of a Tanka, roughly equivalent in syllabic terms to 5-7-5-7-7, but I didn’t stick to that format as the words didn’t flow that way for me.
This actually made me smile. Sometimes, when a relationship that was not meant to be is over, even after rancor and heartache, the heart does actually become lighter.
If I raised a smile with a death poem, that can’t be a bad thing!
To leave with such a light heart you must hope for the next great adventure… end of summer and sunsets works so well with death.
Yes, I feel the blackness but I’m trying to cultivate the light…
I love that you have not only referred to death without directly mentioning it in this poem, Ingrid, but also compared it to a dead love affair, and the release in the final line is palpable with no hint of sadness.
Thanks for your kind words, Kim. Sometimes it works out that way, I suppose.
This is an interesting poetry form I have not heard of! I love your jisei; I am more of a late spring and early fall girl, but the seasons in between have their remembrances and wistful memories too. 🙂
I hadn’t heard of jisei either until today: credit to Frank at dVerse! I’m pleased you enjoyed mine 😊
Wow, this is so poignant and evocative. Looking ahead despite the past and present, fascinating piece here!
Thank you, Lucy 😊
The affirming turn at the end is wonderful, Ingrid.
Thanks, Lisa – I do like a happy ending!
You’re welcome!
Lovely poem.
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I particularly liked the turn in the last line – as it lifts the poem from loss and melancholy. That assertion in lines 6 & 7 – ‘I no longer need you’ reminds how sometimes we cling to life – as if it were well…life.
Thanks Peter: there’s a phrase in John Irving’s ‘Last Night in Twisted River’ a Chinese phrase ‘she bu de’ which he translates as ‘I can’t bear to let go’ – but in the end we have to.
Lightness rather than happiness. I think you’ve hit on the elusive emotion we chase and rarely find. Better late than never.
For a first effort, this is masterful. I wrote several stanzas, and had difficulty creating an uplift as ending. Sometimes the form dictated the emotion, Japanese forms are a joy to work with.
Fine approach to prompt, Ingrid & strong, positive finish. Hurrah!
“It is better to light a candle then curse the darkness…” and your Jisei does just that! Brava!
Wow Ingrid, splendid reflection on a love affair that has died. Well written.
powerful acceptance is so affirming, I pray we all go this way … well done Ingrid!
Way to go! I mean, yes, great death poem, and what a good way to go.
Ingrid, your death poem is beautiful and uplifting! I like the metaphor for life you chose… a long-forgotten lover you don’t need anymore.
If I can die without regrets, I am sure that death will be a light feeling. I try to live my life so that I won’t have regrets. For the regrets I do have, I try to make amends and then forgive myself.
That is the best approach to life you can take, I think: regrets don’t serve anyone ❤️
There is death in the ending of a relationship. But that can have its positive sides. Yes.
The death of a a relationship often leads to new life. Well done!
This has just the right tone. And I agree with Jane about the light. I’m not getting anywhere with mine yet. It’s a difficult assignment. (K)
Thank you, Kerfe…it’s probably a lifelong task!
That is stilleto-sharp, just sliding right between the ribs.
Great comment! Thank you so much 😊
I love that you didn’t follow the rules and explained the Jisei poem which gave such depth of meaning to your poem. I had never heard of it before but saw Dwight right about it. I think writing this at the end of your life is such a gift to pass on. I could feel complete if I died tomorrow but I so much want to be there for milestones in my kids life I do know they will create the lives they were born to live which brings ne peace. Have a lovely weekend Ingrid! ❤️ Cindy
Thanks Cindy: I agree, it’s a remarkable thing to do actually compose a poem on your death bed. I’ve no plans to bail out any time soon but it’s good to live every day as though it is your last: with no regrets ❤️
Very nicely done, Ingrid. To be unburdened of the unnecessary is quite freeing. That last line delivers a lightning stroke 🙂
Thank you, I’m pleased you enjoyed it!
The end of a relationship does feel like death. Well done!
Thank you 😊
A fascinating form and terse words of reality
Thank you 🙏
A very optimistic ‘death’ poem. It really made me smile.
I’m glad it did 😊
This made me smile Ingrid. It’s almost like a cleanse when you realize the connection is gone. A mini death of sorts. I loved it ☺️
Thank you Christine, so pleased it spoke to you!
I like that optimistic–or maybe resolute tone at the end. There is a lightness I think to letting go–whether it’s a love affair or something else.
I really liked the combination of the definite end of something being celebrated with buoyant joyfulness.
Thanks so much!
The heart of light will carry you far Ingrid. Your words are always inspiring.