you’ve said enough,
so let’s not make it tougher
This isn’t an excuse
to stay in bed: I feel
as if my head is in a vice,
and I’m so tired
of trying to
be nice, so
© Experimentsinfiction 2021, All Rights Reserved
Written for dVerse
I have PMDD. I’ve written about this a lot, but this is my first time for dVerse. When I heard the prompt for tonight’s Quadrille was ‘go,’ this seemed an appropriate subject. If you’ve never heard of PMDD, some people describe it as ‘an extreme form of PMS.’ That’s like describing a lion as ‘an extreme form of cat’ which I suppose, in a way, it is. The only good thing about it is, it ‘only’ lasts for 7-10 days every month. I often write about it to try and raise awareness and to reach out to other sufferers because it is a severe, highly disruptive and much misunderstood condition.
I quite like the shape of this poem: a bit like a uterus cut in half!
Ingrid, I’m so sorry you deal with that! It is in no way a comparison, but I struggle with cycle-related migraines each month. They have gotten better as I get older. This poem is very well done, so descriptive of the feeling.
I have developed migraines recently as one of the many symptoms, so I feel your pain as far as that’s concerned! Thank you for your kind comment.
I have never heard of this condition. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, it sounds dreadful. Sending you lots of healing light.
Thank you so much Linda 🙏
I see half an arrow – half going half stopping which is rather like the condition you describe and your poem is raw enough for the message to come through
That would be another appropriate shape. Thank you Laura.
Beautifully honest writing! I am so sorry for what you go through, but words are my go-to medicine and this writing is a lovely testament to feeling as well as wishes. 🙂
Thank you Jaya! I agree that words have their own special healing power 😊
A graphic description of your problem. So sorry. I hope writing about it and illustrating your feelings are cathartic at least,.
Thanks Beverly. Yes I think I’m just getting things off my chest this evening!
Oh… I have never heard about anything like that, but I can recognize the emotion of just wishing to be left alone… it must be terrible to face the world when such pain hold you in its claws.
Yes you describe it exactly right. Sometimes it’s easier to just shut myself away and read poetry!
Ingrid, sounds awful! Hope they find an effective treatment. Does it continue after menopause? Take care! <3
Some people say it gets progressively leading up to the menopause, but once menopause is over it is completely cured. Hysterectomy is another effective treatment but obviously that’s quite drastic!
Ingrid, that seems like a long time every month to have to deal with PMDD. 1/3 of your life! I had to laugh at the last thing you said, about the shape of the poem. I cut mine loose many moons ago and wrote a poem about it. I’ll include the link here if you want to check out.
I love your poem Lisa, thank you for linking it! I would be quite happy to let mine go at the moment because you’re right, 1/3 is quite a big proportion of your life!
You’re welcome, Ingrid, glad you enjoyed the poem. Was hoping you would.
This is so poignant! I had never heard of PMDD before .. but went ahead to read in detail about it. I am so sorry you are dealing with it. Sending love and hugs! 💝💝
Thank you Sanaa, it’s not that well-known which means a lot of women are going undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. So I do my bit to get the message out!
You do it beautifully! xx
I’m so sorry you go through this every month, Ingrid. It must be awful. Like De, I used to get cycle-related migraines (or really bad headaches that made me nauseated), but it wasn’t even every month. And I had the PMS tiredness–and the craziness when daughters and I were all having our periods at the same time! I don’t miss this a bit. I wish I had a cure for you. Sending hugs from afar. ❤️
Haha, at least you had daughters who could perhaps identify with your symptoms? As the only woman in an all-male household, at times I feel quite poorly understood!
Oh, yes, that’s probably worse. I couldn’t remember if you had a daughter or not. One daughter used to have such a bad time, so they definitely understood. And I always had a chocolate stash.
Oh yes I have one of those! And the men just have to fend for themselves for a few days 😅
Ingrid, Had no idea such a condition as PMDD existed. I’m so sorry you have to deal with it. The poem certainly expresses the “end-of-my-rope” frustration that drives one to the edge.
Thank you Dora. It’s really interesting for me to see how few people have heard of the condition. I think many women must be suffering in silence (unlike me!)
I’m glad you don’t. No one should suffer in silence. So much misunderstanding could be avoided and so much comfort given, and space.
I think in time it will come but we still have a long way to go. Thank you for your kind comments Dora.
The shape of the poem does work really well, especially how the lines shorten which gives an impression of the energy levels running out. It’s frustrating how off hand some people can be when it comes to what they perceive as ‘women’s problems’. When my sister was getting diagnosed with polycystic ovaries the doctor actually said to her ‘well it’s not curable, so if you do have it, what do you want me to do about it?’ basically trying to convince her that it wasn’t worth getting the diagnosis. It’s a woman thing has to be one of the frustrating phrases I’ve ever heard, mostly because it suggests that being female somehow means we just have to put up with discomfort, which is nonsense. Sorry, rant over.
Yes, I believe that is what a lot of male doctors think, unfortunately. I’ve had quite a few ‘there, there’ chats in my time. The most eye-opening medical visit for me was when I told a female doctor about the condition and she said she’d have to look it up as she had similar symptoms herself! Obviously we must advocate to have our health problems recognised and treated!
The best our loved ones and friends can do is recognize our patterns, and leave us to our own suffering when we’ve proven again and again they can not make us better, and then just leave us GO. No need to drag down other folks, eh? It ain’t their fault that they are trying to help and be nice, but it is their fault to not realize when it is pointless.
I’m sorry to hear you have been through similar symptoms but you’re exactly right: sometimes we just need to be left alone to battle our symptoms.
PS I tried to comment on your poem and my comment disappeared so it may be in spam/awaiting approval.
As you hopefully well know, you are not alone. I consider it to be a powerful magical ability. An electric charge we may make use of.
Sometimes I find it helps me understand the inner workings of my own psyche, so there is a positive. It’s just hard to appreciate it when you feel as if your head is in a vice! Thank you for your words of encouragement 🙏
The feeling derives from our unique ability to produce life. The pain deserves, in equal turn, pleasure. Chocolate or salty helps me…Using a blindfold to shield the light while practicing breathing…These are a few of my favorite things. Sending my best mojo.
Thank you 🙏 yes, these remedies help me too 💫
Honest and raw, Ingrid, your quadrille sums it up so well. I agree about the shape.
Thank you Kim. Perhaps I have invented a new ‘uterine’ poetic form 🤣
Something to think about for future prompts!
Shapely and direct. No waste. Just the way I like it. Great stuff, Ingrid.
You’re welcome Ron, and thank you!
This isn’t the first time I’ve read your descriptions of your suffering… but man… that sucks. I’m so sorry, Ingrid.
Lovely poem though… although it feels lame to say that given the content.
Thank you David – I wasn’t expecting such a heartfelt response to my poem from everyone but it’s really helping me get through!
it’s totally miserable and rules your life for that duration, changing your personality … I get you! Expressed it eloquently
Thanks Kate 🙏
take care precious!
do not suffer in silence get this poem outt there so others can learn of the condition!
I’m not one to suffer in silence 😅 thank you!
That’s it…be stern…no time to play nice. I was going to say I liked the shape until you described it, and now I can’t get that out of my mind.
This is very pointed in thought and emotion, perfect for the quadrille form. I had some knowledge of this condition but haven’t heard many women speak about it. So happy you are brave enough to bring awareness to PMDD and share your struggles with us! 💕
Thanks Tricia! It helps for me to talk about it 😊
I am so sorry. Living in our bodies can be so very challenging at times. Thank you for sharing about this. It is another opportunity for creating awareness about the pain that others are experiencing in daily life.
I could to relate to the, “JUST GO.” Sometimes aloneness is just what I want.
Well done. Take good care of yourself.
Thanks Ali for your kind words of support 😊
I so too agree just go
Thanks Gillena – you too 😊
Sometimes it gets to that point! Great poem and photo to go with it.
Thank you Dwight 🙏
You are welcome!
I’m so sorry you suffer like that each month Ingrid. Just Go is a perfect title for your pain poem. Feel better 🥰
Thanks Christine, I will 😊
A raw and effective write, Ingrid…I pray your pain will GO!
Thank you so much 🙏
I share everyone’s sentiment – I am sorry to read of your monthly struggles that make life unbearable for you. I hope writing your honest poem brought some relief for you. It is certainly bringing some awareness to the condition.
Thank you Michele, it did help 🙏😊
I’d hoped that your new doctor might’ve provided some help for you (I think I read that previously that you saw a doctor who understood your condition). I hope these days pass quickly.
Unfortunately we moved house so I need to find yet another new doctor, and right now with the covid situation I don’t have the energy to address this with a medical professional. It is on my ‘to-do list’ though!
Good luck with finding a new doctor.
Thank you 🙏
I’m so tired of trying to be nice…that is such a perfect description of so many physical and psychological ills. (K)
Thank you Kerfe, sometimes it’s such a strain, it is easier to be left alone.
The image …. your poetry …. speak to each other! Cheers.
It does seem hard to get a diagnosis for “female” problems… I was told I was just constipated (!) before many years later being diagnosed with endometriosis.
I love your description of the shape of your poem – I drive an old Subaru and the shape of the steering wheel centre looks just like a uterus with the two fallopian tubes coming off near the top, and a connection at the bottom. I often wonder if the designer realised.
I know many women with endometriosis who have been treated abysmally by their doctors, unfortunately. But we even suffer in silence about the way we are misdiagnosed!
Interesting about the steering wheel…
I am sorry you have to go through that, in my head sometimes the thoughts just plays on repeat and gets stuck. I say to myself: let go of them, but they just don’t go! It’s a bad trip. I hope you feel well, take care.
Thanks Jay, I’m feeling a lot better now 🙏
Damn.. just read that up. No wonder it feels like head being in a vice.
This is a polite request from someone in pain who wants to be left alone, without even being asked what’s wrong.
She knows it already. So no need and time to explain. Just go.
That’s exactly how it feels unfortunately.
That’s a lot to bear.
Is there a way for the body to adjust to this condition?
I don’t think so, without help. After the menopause it should stop but it could get worse before it gets better 🙄
At least the said help keeps things in control. 🤔
Note to self: say nice things to this woman lol
Good advice 👍